NEIGHBOURHOOD GHOST.

Here we are team, in 2021, and I hope that despite the clusterfuck of terrible things happening in the world around us, my blog (and my horror stories) bring a little light relief. My only NY resolution is to keep up with this and get back to the regular posts I was doing at the start.

So, despite the maybe mis-leading title to this post (all will become clear, my huns) I'm BACK and I'm here to tell you that at the ripe old age of 31 I experienced a full, complete, sudden and brutal GHOSTING in December. Not very festive, but that's something that actually hasn't happened to me in maybe 18 months. Small wins, you know.

What's even more shocking and concerning is that this guy decided to ghost me after three dates (which, let's be honest, is just a lot of effort to go to if you're not interested), during a global pandemic (when our mental health is collectively fragile) and genuinely mid-conversation (I cannot emphasise enough the sudden nature of this one).

To set the scene, let's take it back to the start...

I met J on Hinge during Lockdown 1, but by the time of our brief taste of freedom in August (ish) our conversation had fizzled out. In Lockdown 2, the conversation popped up again. If we read between the lines here we can all sensibly deduce that he was bored and wanting a witty and gorgeous pen-pal (aka me), but we'll skim over that for now.

We spoke everyday during Lockdown 2, and I'm going to give him a 10/10 for charming WhatsApp manner. He checked in everyday with ACTUAL conversation (not just good morning / good night / how was your day... which I cannot physically stand).

He was patient and happy to wait for our first date until Lockdown 2 eased up, and totally understood that I've been very careful to follow the government rules and protect my loved ones. So much so, that he happily arranged a romantic walk along the Southbank despite the minus-freezing temperatures. I swooned over my Baileys Hot Chocolate. Of course I did (... mug).

Anyway - despite the Tier system limiting the activities we could 'officially' do for dates, we managed two further meet-ups within a week or so. Date two was a delicious meal and cocktails in the heated outside area of a local pub, and by date three we decided the connection was strong enough that he would come round to mine and sit on my balcony with blankets. Bending the rules, sure, but we both acknowledged it was worth it, and as I live alone I'm only putting myself at risk here.

I should add at this moment that J lives a mere 10 minutes from my front door in West London and at this point I'm obviously imagining how CONVENIENT it will be to have a boyfriend so close by and how easily we will fall madly in love as we'll see each other all. the time. OBVS.

So, now it's crunch time. The TGM (terrible ghost moment).

J: Hey beautiful, how was lunch?

Me: Good thank you, so nice to see a friend. I miss normal life!

J: I know, I know. It's so weird right now!

Me: How was spending time with your son? Hope you guys had a lovely day.

J: It was so good you know, just chilled vibes. What are you up to this evening?

Me: Gonna to have a hot bath and watch some shit TV... you know me.

*Two hours pass us by*

J: Heyyyyy!

Me: Hi again :) You on your way home now?

*Nothing. Nothing at all*

*Next Day: Nothing*

*Next Day: Nothing*

etc.

We've all been there, haven't we? Even though there COULD be a really normal and non-dickhead reason that the person has gone silent, our gut knows and tries to tell us what's up before our head processes it. And I just KNEW; I knew he was ghosting me. There was something iffy about the number of 'y's on that heyyyy.

I knew he hadn't been hit by a bus, or lost his phone, or been arrested and thrown in prison - all things we like to imagine might be the reason for the sudden ghost. I knew that he had simply, for no reason at all, decided that was enough of me.

One week passed, two weeks passed... and because I am 100% programmed to be let down / expect the worst (where's my tiny violin huns?) I bounced back as I always do. It wasn't long before I was joking with my pals about preferable options to being ghosted. We mulled over different potential messages J could have sent me. Top options include:

"I am emotionally unavailable. Goodbye forever."

"I'm a fuck boy and I cannot help it. Bye and I hope we never bump into each other, neighbour!"

"I have been acting the whole time and our connection was entirely fictional. Bye."

"I simply don't fancy you, despite leading you on for months."

"I was abducted by aliens, they wiped my memory and I don't know who you are."

I have a good friend who actually PREFERS being ghosted than being on the receiving end of an awkward / patronising / condescending / insincere text or conversation ("it's not you, it's me!") and I do see her point, but I think that - trying not to catastrophise - HUMAN DECENCY is dying out.

Without getting all sensible and deep about it, I think the accessibility to dating/love/sex that the apps and social media provide mean that we're all more disposable to each other than ever before. Sometimes, clearly, to the point where we're not even deemed deserving of an explanation when someone suddenly removes themselves from your life!

It's the 7th January, so it is admittedly probably a little early to fall into a well of despair. I'll go pour myself a wine and I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this one. Is ghosting acceptable? Is it preferable to any awkwardness? Leave me a comment guys. L x