AN ENGAGED NEIGHBOUR.

HI EVERYONE. Thanks sooo much for all the encouraging messages now I'm back in the blog game; the response to the last post was really kind <3 I'm a bit rusty on the whole writing thing, so bare with me.

I've since had a couple of messages asking me to go into more detail about the local date guy with the fiancée in Canada, and well, you know what? On reflection, he definitely qualifies for a post of his own.

To recap: It's Summer 2022. I am not doing too good physically (or mentally) as I wait for surgery, BUT I am super pleased to have moved down to Kent after a decade in London and I know instantly it's the right place for me. I set my Hinge catchment area to 3 miles and pretty quickly match with D as there's not even that many potential suitors in such a small rural radius, as it turns out.

(Note: I am acutely aware of how many of the WORST stories on this blog involve a guy called 'D', but truly that is all of their first initials so I'm sorry for the confusion but that's the way it is.)

D, like me, had moved down to Kent from London (but was originally from Canada) only a year prior and spent quite some time in his initial messages labouring the point that he didn't have any local friends yet, so 'even if we don''t feel a romantic connection, we should go for a drink' because it's nice to have someone nearby to hang with. He was in the UK because he'd played basketball here for a few years, and then bought a place. He made pretty regular trips home to Canada because he missed his family and he explained that he had a family member, his Auntie, who was seriously unwell.

To be honest, we only chit chatted on Hinge for a day or two before we made plans to meet in the pub. He literally lived about 5 minutes from my front door, so it didn't make sense to wait too long to date as we may have bumped into each other anyway.

We meet and settle down for some drinks in the pub garden, and it's all very lovely. Easy chat, good vibes... and I can tell it's GENUINELY good vibes vs drunken good vibes as he's not drinking and I'm going carefully as alcohol didn't really agree with my constitution at the time. I will say he wasn't as good looking (or as tall) as his dating profile had led me to believe, but he was overall a relatively appealing package. He also worked in marketing, so we had that in common too. It was a nice, normal date.

We spoke more about being in a new area, away from our friends, and he said again about how nice it would be to know someone locally. As the evening went on and he got more comfortable, he began to be REALLY flirty. Not in a creepy way but in that fun, first date way that makes you (me) giggle a bit (ew). He went as far as to say how nice it would be to have a partner who was so close in proximity and how we could see LOADS of each other whenever we wanted. Although I was definitely the less keen party, even I was beginning to buy the dream he was selling, I'll be honest.

After a few hours he BOLDY suggests he should 'take me home' and I say he can walk me home, but confirm that I'm going into my house alone. He's clearly a bit disappointed, protests a little bit - 'we're both adults' - but in the end gives up. We walk the literally mere meters back to my front door and I lean in to let him kiss me on the cheek (or perhaps I was thinking we'd have a peck on the lips?) and he quite literally ATTACHES HIS MOUTH TO MINE. He gave me the most MOIST, motion-y, lip smacking, teeth clashing (lol), LONGEST kiss ever. I'll be honest, it was a bit awkward given we're standing on my doorstep which at the time was straight onto the quite busy High Street, and opposite a rowdy pub. He kept stopping kissing me and then re-starting and I couldn't get away for a while.

Once he'd finished all that he asked me to go on a second date for three days time and I said yes. Overall the night had been good and I put the OTT kiss down to just a bit of over-enthusiasm. Plus, I really don't object to a smooch on a first date... it was just quite a LOT.

When he gets home from the date he sends me a message to say he'd had an amazing night and couldn't wait to see me again and the next 2 days passed in a blur of WhatsApp chat and a bit of casual flirting. All very nice. Then, on the morning of our arranged second date, his profile picture disappears on WhatsApp. I have been BLOCKED.

The ghosting was so complete, he also disappeared from IG and unmatched me on Hinge. To be honest, I wasn't even mad or upset, just disappointed that someone who I will undoubtedly bump into felt the need to do all that. If you don't want a second date, just say? I really wasn't all that phased .

A week later, he messages me. He explains that his sick Auntie back in Canada had got much worse and he'd flown there on short notice in a real state. We're then on the phone while he's pouring his little heart out to me about it all and he says he blocked me because he couldn't face telling me he wasn't making our second date when he was crying and stressing at the airport. Because I am a sweet angel, and because I have NO reason to doubt this version of events (even if the block is odd) I am kind, understanding and sympathetic and we make plans for a delayed second date when he's back from Canada, providing he's up to it and tbc on how the trip goes.

When he gets back he messages to say he'd love to see me, so we make plans for the following evening, and for the next 24 hours we message back and forward. A couple of hours before our second attempt at a second date, he cancels and says he's feeling too low, too jet lagged to go out. He suggests maybe I could go round his and we could 'watch films', but we all know thats the universal code for Netflix & Chill and tbh, that's not the vibe I was on AT ALL.

The plot REALLY thickens here, chaps. Of course, I am understanding that post heavy, emotional trip home he now needs to cancel so I pop my joggers on and sit on the sofa for a night in instead. I pick up my phone for a scroll... when I see he's back on my IG. Then I see him upload a video reel of his 'Week Back Home'.

This reel, complete with Drake backing track (so cliché, so Canadian) and a pretty decent edit - as in, he's taken some time to put this together which is just annoying - shows him with family, his nephews and nieces, out for a walk in a park. It shows him having some drinks with his friends and bowling. It also shows HIS HAND and a WOMAN'S HAND holding hands walking at night by a fountain, and then later, the SMALLEST snippet of the same hands trying on wedding bands in a shop. Obviously, I immediately send this reel to a number of friends to check I am not hallucinating and to confirm they can see what I see.

I think it's worth saying at this point that I have absolutely NO idea whether the sick Auntie story was true, or part-true and exaggerated, thought I would say there was an obvious lack of sadness in this upbeat little video reel. I'd never want to assume anyone would ACTUALLY lie about someone being so poorly... so we'll leave that at that, and you can all draw your own conclusions.

I message him on WhatsApp asking if he'd like to explain what is going on, and in this message I clarify that (obviously) I'm not keen to speak to or see him again anyway, but he could just let me know the truth. He replies saying he 'knows it looks strange but he can explain...'. I then get a literal bombardment of messages (like, I don't even care THAT much), that are clearly typed in a hurry and a panic due to the chaotic spelling and grammar. He says he has a 'girlfriend' back home / that it's not very serious / that as a 'joke' she likes to pretend they're getting married and look at rings / that with everything going on with his Auntie he can't bring himself to be bothered to break up / he points out that she lives back there and he lives here so it'll never work / he says he 'really likes' me and doesn't want to not see me again / he isn't who I think he is / he's Christian and was 'raised to respect women'.

I reply: "Sure, ok...". And luckily (suddenly) the bombardment stops; he never messages me again.

Fast forward a few months later (thank God somehow we hadn't bumped into each other more) and I am in my local Co Op, probably buying white wine and/or nice and spicy NikNaks because, adulting. I remember looking and feeling decidedly sloppy, in my joggers and with a pineapple bun on top of my head, which is exactly how you want to look when you bump into big-time liar D and his really gorgeous fiancée with a MASSIVE fuck-off sparkler on her ring finger. Like, even if I hadn't been PREVIOUSLY suspcious he was engaged, this ring was one of the first things you saw as you took her in.

The most insane thing ever is: D STOPPED AND SAID 'HELLO, YOU ALRIGHT?' TO ME. Why on EARTH would you do that? I truly froze like a deer in headlights as I stared at him, opened and closed my mouth a couple of times and went bright red, before he gave up, turned round and carried on shopping. Personally, I am really pleased I managed to handle it with such composed, bad bitch energy. I don't recall if I actually even said hello back, but I remember then being at the self checkout trying to concentrate and being completely thrown. I also don't really know if SHE fully realised he'd said hello to me or even really acknowledged this weird lady (me) having some sort of malfunction.

For days afterwards I replayed all the things I wish I had said because the Girl Code in me wished I had said SOMETHING in that moment to let her to know that her fiancé was a dirt bag, that he'd taken me on a date and snogged my skin off and wanted to 'take me home' then 'watch films'. Anyway, they left Co Op before me, and I watched them out the window walking off holding hands.

By some small miracle, and despite the fact I actually then moved even closer to D, I have never bumped into him, or them, again. Once I saw him from afar and changed my route to cross the road, but that's literally it. As time passed, I obviously forgot all about it, until maybe a year later I was clearing out numbers from my contacts and noticed that his WhatsApp picture had changed to a snap from their wedding day. A little social media stalking later, and I can confirm the professional photographer did a fantastic job of capturing their love-filled day from all angles.

The best bit of all this is that they've moved back to Canada together, which means I am free to roam my town without fear of an awkward encounter, and hopefully, for her, he'll have to curtail his lying, cheating ways because she's literally RIGHT THERE with him. We can only hope.

Speak soon,

L x