FLAGS, FLAGS EVERYWHERE.

I am actually quite cross with myself, guys. I started this blog and hit the ground running (or, typing). I was chucking up a new post every couple of days and now LOOK. I've been slacking badly again and I can only blame the bastard virus / the utter state of the world / lockdown 2 for sapping my motivation to do just about anything. Sigh.

Anyway, those of you who follow me on Instagram (@lizzienewell_x) will remember that a couple of weeks ago I asked y'all a very pressing and serious question: "What is a red flag to you that might not be a red flag to someone else?" Well, LET ME TELL YOU, I cried real tears of laughter at the replies. You're all absolutely psychotic and I love you for it.

Here's the best of the best, starting with ME because... well, it's my blog and I deem myself very funny.

Red Flag: He ate a yoghurt on our first date

My memory lets me down here because I can't remember if he bought the YOG along on the date as a snack or whether he sourced it from my Mum's fridge*. Either way, it was horrifying. Is there a LESS sexy snack than a yoghurt, I ASK YOU? Also, he did that thing where people don't take all the yoghurt off the spoon and instead they smooth off the leftover yoghurt as they pull it back out of their mouth. Tbh, even the amount of times I've had to type yoghurt already is giving me PTSD. (*Our first date was walking my family dog when I lived at my Mums. This was maybe 10 years ago and the trauma is still, evidently, with me).

Triple Red Flag: He had a Pomeranian, a 6ft fish tank and a hot tub in his garden.

To some this triple-flag combo might be a bit obscure, admittedly, but I'm hoping that because you read my blog (and enjoy it?) it might mean you're on my wavelength, in which case you'll totally understand that this screams "NO NO NO" without even understanding why you understand it. Submitted by my best friend, this has to be one of my fave answers.

Red Flag: He said 'holibobs".

The anonymous hun behind this one asked me to be clear with you that she didn't actually make it to a date with this guy as he dropped 'holibobs' in a WhatsApp chat pre-date and that, my friends, was the end of that before it even began.

Red Flag: He said 'okey dokes' (not submitted by same person as above).

And guys say women are hard to please?! I MEAN, how about just don't speak like this and we're all good. It ain't cute. In fact, I'd go as far as saying that it's as serial-killer-esque as 'hehehe', 'lols' and 'hunni' - three more things that no one (I repeat NO. ONE.) should ever say seriously. This Red Flag popped up in real life, on a date, when Anonymous had let her date know what she'd like from the bar. "OKEY DOKES" he replied, and in that moment she knew he was not The One, even if he was buying the drinks.

Red Flag: Bringing a HUGE bunch of flowers to the first date, for me.

I'm absolutely in agreement with the contributor here that this is BDE: big desperate energy. Also, having seen a photo of the bunch of flowers in question we are not talking about your average arrangement. Think more wedding centre piece and add more ribbons. The Red Flag only got more alarming, when he asked if he should 'put the flowers inside'. As in, inside her house, when he'd literally just pulled in his car to take her on their first date. Alarm bells be ringing! To finish the story, Anonymous added; "I was absolutely knackered walking back up my drive in my heels to put the f*cking ginormous flowers inside."

Red Flag: Wearing a t-shirt under his shirt at age 34.

Generally speaking, this would be a red flag for me too. It's hard to pinpoint, but the needless layering gives me chaotic, kid-like vibes. I'd say its only borderline acceptable if it's FREEZING, the likes of which we've never known, or if you're in secondary school and trying to 'customise' your school uniform (we've all been there). OR if you're wearing a t-shirt and an OPEN shirt as a proper style, but I can't stand the cheap shirt with the t-shirt visible through it thing. Also, Anonymous L confirmed the date was on a 'normal weather day'. I'd say... just buy a nice fitting, not-sheer shirt, undo a couple of buttons (but not too many please) and sort yourself out, man.

Got more to add? Leave a comment below or DM me. L x