DON'T CALL ME LIZ.

Is it really that hard to read "Lizzie", view "Lizzie's" profile (and carefully curated / borderline catfish pics), match with "Lizzie" and so therefore start a conversation with "Hey Lizzie"?! (Actually, a guy who can't start a convo with anything more spicy than just 'hey' or 'hi' annoys the hell out of me, but we digress.) ​ The mind boggles. Why would you go totally rogue and risk it all by beginning a conversation with "Hi Liz"?????? There are not enough question marks in the world right now, let me tell you. ​ A few further thoughts on this, if I may: ​ 1. No one calls me Liz except my brother (who, by the way, everyone else calls Danny but I call Dan and sometimes just 'Pal'. We're obvs weird monosyllabic siblings). 2. Liz is entirely over-familiar given that this Hinge/Tinder/Bumble (delete as applicable) conversation is highly unlikely to go beyond miserable chit-chat about our weekend plans and what we do for a living before we both silently decide: Nope. 3. It's actually plain rude to shorten someone's name THE FIRST TIME you speak to them, or ever tbh, without permission. 4. When confronted with this insanity, I simply can't help myself but reply with sarcasm. The latest offender was a guy called George so I replied with "HEY GEO", which ended that convo abruptly. ​ Anyway - let me get to the point. Hi, I'm LIZZIE (fairly sure we've established this now) and I'm a bonafide dating disaster zone. I plan to share all the ups, downs and genuine trauma right here. From collapsing a chair mid-dinner under my clearly quite colossal weight, being kidnapped in East London by a guy who was missing the majority of his teeth to my current situ: Sitting here with a bag of minstrels eating my feelings as the hot American guy I was madly in love with for four days turned out to be (SURPRISE, SURPRISE) a total idiot. Hope you enjoy the blog, guys and gals, it's been a long time coming. L x