A RISKY POST.

I'm back guys! This week has been a really busy one and I haven't blogged for a few days, APOLS. I hope you missed me.

Full disclosure: This post is a pretty risky one as it's quite possible that the guy in question will find and read it (he is still absolutely lingering). But, in the spirit of YOLO and in the name of living life on the edge, we'll roll with it. This guy - I'm going to literally just refer to him as 'A' - has been quite a rollercoaster.

The long and short of it is that he has a tendency to send messages that are ABSOLUTELY INSANE. To be fair, maybe he is just insane; It's a possibility we must consider, team.

Rewind to 12 months ago, and 'A' and I had been seeing each other for a few weeks. He had explained that, due to a quite recent break up from an ex who he'd been with long term (and lived with) there were some things still needing to be sorted with regards to shared belongings / bills etc. He was very open about this, so that's cool. l mean, I did have a teeeeeny suspicion that I was initially a bit of a rebound, but we'd been spending a lot of time together and we got on well.

One evening, I received this text. (This is the EXACT text).

A: Hey babe, hope you're good. I'd appreciate it if you didn't call or text me from now. My ex is coming round in 20 mins so I'll call you in the morning when it's safe to talk. Don't call until then. Thanks.

(As you can imagine, I wasn't entiiiiirely aligned with this plan.)

Me: WOW, are you for real? Have a lovely sleepover with your ex and please drop me out of this situation. I honestly don't want to be involved. Maybe you guys can sort things out between you? Good luck.

A: What sleepover? Why would you be like that?

I'd like to assure you that I didn't reply here, obviously. AND I did give ghosting him a really good go, but SOMEHOW, many months later, in early 2020, this horror wormed his way back into my affections and actually ended up being my sort-of-boyfriend for a couple of months (see: too long). I'm going to blame my temporarily idiotic behaviour on 2020 being a wild year overall, ok?

I'd LOVE to be able to tell you that after this sleepover incident, I never received such a horrific message from him again and he became a normal human who treated me with upmost respect, but - as you have probably guessed by now - there's more...

• Context: I had suggested that I'd rather like us to go on date nights and not just hang out at mine. 'A' regularly came to mine, got into bed, and fell asleep while I watched a film alone and ate dinner alone. I KNOW GUYS, I know.

A: Why do we need to do 'things'?

Me: It's nice to just spend quality time together, no? Even if it's just a walk or we go to the shop together. But we should go for dinner or the cinema maybe?

A: Why?

Me: Do you not want to do things together?

A: Well, I like being able to come to yours and relax to be honest. I sleep better at yours than anywhere else and you can always wake me up if you want to get a takeaway or something.

Me: Ok.

A: Why are you annoyed? You should take it as a compliment that I feel so relaxed around you that I chill out and go to sleep.

• Context: Mid-way through our truly splendid time together, 'A' suddenly - and without explanation - started wanting to control his 'visiting times' meticulously (we'd also dropped to him coming just once a week). 'A' would tell me when he could see me and for how long, and couldn't work out why I was bothered by that.

A: I'll come to yours tonight for 5ish, but I need to leave by 9.

Me: Oh ok, I don't have plans tonight luckily. If tonight isn't totally convenient we can do tomorrow?

A: Tonight is fine. Why would you think it isn't convenient?

Me: Why do you need to leave by 9?

A: No reason, but I don't think we should spend very long together in one go.

Me: Oh right.

A: Don't be like that, I'm coming to see you, you should be grateful and happy.

• Context: Further into our 'sort-of-relationship' I did a really good (just saying) painting of 'A' using my Amazon Prime watercolour set - remember when we were doing hobbies in lockdown? - and I uploaded it to my Instagram stories, WITHOUT tagging him. Heck, it's like I knew.

A: Do not put me on social media.

Me: Pardon?

A: Don't put me on social media. What's confusing you? Pardon what?

Me: I didn't tag you, it's a painting. No one who follows me knows who you are anyway. Just a question, are your friends allowed to tag you on Instagram?

A: Yeah it's fine for my friends to do it but not you.

Me: Got you.

• Context: I'd come to my senses (finally, right?) and made the decision that things were not working. An epiphany that happened in the bath, actually. So, I was explaining to 'A' my reasoning behind this decision, which - worryingly - had come as a shock to him despite months of him treating me like an inconvenience.

A: I don't understand. You want a relationship that's totally right for you?

Me: Absolutely - 100% - I want a relationship that's right for me. Yes!

A: Isn't that selfish? A relationship that's totally right for you?

Me: What?

A: A relationship works both ways, and I think we would work.

Me: Yes, a healthy relationship works both ways, I agree. The right relationship for me (and for you) will deffo work both ways. This isn't it for me, I'm not happy.

A: You're so focused on how you feel, you're not even imagining that things could be better. That's stupid.

Me: I honestly don't want to wait and see. What effort do you imagine you would or COULD put in to make things better?

A: Why would I need to make any effort? I'm not going to chase you, I'm not here to cater to you. You make your own happiness.

Me: Right. No effort needs to be made anyway as I'm ending this now.

A: Things have been fine for me. You're being short-sighted you know.

Me: Ok.

____________

We've all got into a relationship with someone who we KNOW isn't right for us, right? And, at some point, everyone has stayed in a relationship far too long, haven't they? Just agree to make me feel better here, please.

The concerning thing is that usually this sort of MUGGY behaviour happens when you're in your mid-20s, finding your way, learning what you will/will not tolerate. I do seem to have had a small relapse at THIRTY ONE, but at least it's good blog content.

L x