THE ICK AND 'IT'.

You know when you like someone in an 'ahh you're lovely' kind of way, and that's really just it? The sort of 'meh' feeling that is more often than not followed by THE ICK; the onset of which can be extremely fast, or kind of insidious and slow. Before you know it, even a perfectly nice text from that perfectly nice person makes your blood literally boil.

SO - anyway - let me take you back to the start.

Shay was a REALLY NICE BOY. Really nice. We met on Hinge and we actually went on a lockdown date - a proper lockdown date - where we sat socially distanced in the park, ate our own snacks and drank our own drinks. So well behaved, I know.

The conversation was nice, he had a nice job (admin at a school that he'd done for a decade because he didn't fancy a change), he looked nice. The most memorable moment of the date was my carrot sticks and humus, I'll be honest.

But really, I shouldn't be so mean. He asked questions and was very polite and complimentary. He had a good head on his shoulders, seemed to hold the the same family values as me and as the younger brother of three older sisters, he insisted he understood how to treat a woman. We left the date saying we'd 'do it again soon'.

As it transpired, Shay was really keen on being pen-pals after that; spending each and every day indulging in mundane, mind-numbing WhatsApp chat. Lots of it, and with very little feedback from me.

Almost a MONTH later (???), he asked to go out again, but by that point I'd really gone off the boil (unsure if I was ever ON the boil but, you know). I kindly and eloquently explained that I didn't really feel that exciting spark / energy / momentum and so, to be fair on him, I was going to be honest and suggest perhaps we'd be better as friends. AKA: The ick has me now, we'll never speak again, goodbye forever.

Initially this went down well.

S: Hey Lizzie, thanks for letting me know, I really appreciate your honesty. It's a shame as I love talking to you and felt some spark. But, I respect your decision totally. Take Care x

So, there's me: feeling that very unique, strange and satisfying sense of relief when you no longer have to talk to someone you can't be bothered to talk to, even though no one was forcing you to do so in the first place. It's a confusing old world isn't it, pals?

A week or so passed, nothing from Shay, and then that changed quite dramatically.

_________

FRIDAY

S: Hey Lizzie. I've been thinking about you. We should maybe meet up to discuss where things went so wrong? I think a conversation about what happened would be good. Let me know x

S: Hey Lizzie, did you see my message? I don't know what happened but I'd love to talk about it. I really saw a future with you, so it would be good to go over what happened.

S: Hello?

S: Missed call 13:58

S: Missed call 14:07

Me: Hi Shay, so sorry - been busy with work. Things didn't go 'so wrong' anywhere, so don't worry about that. And nothing happened, so there's not anything to really talk about. Appreciate your efforts, but still feel the same way (that there wasn't a spark from my side). Hope you're good! x"

S: Thanks for replying. I'm confused why you don't want to talk about it - it would be good to understand what happened. I felt a spark and I'd like some closure."

S: Missed call 19.03

S: Missed call 19.21

Me: I really can't say enough - nothing happened so there is no 'it' to talk about. Please don't think you did anything wrong. Sometimes people are just not the right fit. It's flattering that you felt a spark, and I'm sorry that I didn't. Have a great weekend x

SATURDAY

S: So, do you not think the best way to deal with things is through open, honest conversation? A discussion about things is the mature thing to do. I'd like to get to the bottom of this.

S: Missed call 11.23

No number: Missed call 11.27

No number: Missed call 11.31

Me: Good morning, hope you've got a fun weekend planned. There's nothing to get to the bottom of. Good luck with the dating apps and hope you meet someone lovely really soon!

S: It's really immature not to even discuss it at all.

MONDAY

Number in Greenford: Missed call 08.50

Number in Greenford: Missed call 10.02

Number in Greenford: Missed call 10.05

S: Are you free to talk about things today?

Number in Greenford: Missed call 15.45

S: Missed call 15.46

Me: I assume the number calling me is the school you work at. Please don't keep trying me. I've told you - you did nothing wrong, nothing happened, there is nothing to get to the bottom of and there's nothing to discuss. Take care!

S: There is obviously something to discuss. If you didn't want to hear from me, you'd block my number. But all I want to do is talk about it. You're being really pathetic.

________

Unfortunately, it goes without saying that blocking him is exactly what I had to do. A few things:-

• What is the 'it' he wanted to discuss?

• Should I have just spoken to him about 'it'?

• Would I have had to say to him that I'd got the ICK?

• Is that what he wanted?

• Is the ICK, in fact,' it'?

• Why did he get so attached after one date (aside from the fact I'm glorious)?

• Does his boss know he uses the school landline to harass women from Hinge?

So many questions, so little time.

Lesson learnt: By zooming into guys photos to filter out the ones who have a little 'I'll ruin your life' sparkle in their eye, you might end up with one who has major attachment issues and acts like a hurt puppy (but a million times worse) if you don't fancy being pen-pals forever, or indeed, a second date.

Leave me a comment below - I'd love it. L x